Lent 21. Weight

Don't worry.  Not weight as in going on a diet.  Weight as in..... well..... let me explain.

Part of my job as a Jo Jingles teacher is to go to a special school for children with profound and multiple disabilities to deliver music classes.   Mostly I deal with children under the age of five, but in the special school I have classes with older children - up to the age of 16.  And I love it.   It can be challenging because you never quite know what you are going to have to deal with on any day.   Last week a little boy who has never shown any interest in Jo Jingles in all the time I have been going there suddenly raced up to me and threw himself into my arms and started chatting away and wanting to dress Jo in his own scarf and hat.  It was a lovely moment.   Today I was hugged by another lad who is more often than not quite violent and disruptive.   Ten minutes later he dug his nails into my arm :)   It's a rollercoaster, but then thats the life these kids lead.

One of the things which settles them when they are feeling anxious or heading towards a tantrum is a heavy weighted blanket.   Placed over their laps it seems to calm them down.  They also have neck pillows which are weighted and which have the same effect.   It can be quite miraculous to see the change which comes about in young people who are distressed at not being able to communicate and who are on the verge of lashing out.  The weight is applied and they settle and come to peace.  ( Just to clarify , we arent talking about a breath squishing weight here, just maybe 5 or 6 pounds weight distributed evenly over a half duvet sized blanket)

I was thinking about this today and my mind immediately went off in two directions.

1) More often than not when we think about weight is has a negative connotation.   We ' bear heavy burdens'   we ' shoulder a load'.  We talk about suffering under the weight of depression or feeling oppressed by a heavy cloud hanging over us.

But

2) The Bible talks about the glory of God being like a weight.    For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 2 Cor 4 :17   It is often referred to as being like a cloud - ie visible and tangible and there was something about the cloud of God's glory in the Old Testament which meant people were unable to stand in or under it.                  

Then the cloud covered the tent of meeting, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle. Moses was not able to enter the tent of meeting because the cloud had settled on it, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle.  Exodus 40:34-38

So.....

Here's a thought.   Maybe we need to trade one weight for another.  Perhaps, just like my friends at the special school, when we are feeling agitated, anxious, about to lose the plot, angry, out of control or in need of reassurance and safety we need to ask God to place the weight of His glory upon us.   In the measure we can handle.   Because it is the very presence and essence of God which drives out all fear and brings peace, hope and vision.  I suspect that all we really need to do is to sit and be still and ask to be wrapped in His blanket.  And we might just find that as the weight of His glory descends we are on our faces before Him overwhelmed by His mercy and grace.   

Lent 20 Traditions

Its 29th February.   Apparently today is the day when the single laydeeeeeees can pop the question to the object of their affection.   Has anyone out there ever done that??  I mean, Im sure loads of people have it's just that I have never met anyone who has actually done that on a leap day.   I wonder where the tradition began.   Who thought it up?  Like so many ' traditions' it's really just a bit of fun.  But then again, proposing to someone is probably the second most important thing you can do after asking Jesus into your life..... so maybe not ' just fun' after all.

We love traditions.  Human beings love traditions.  Every culture on the planet has them.  We invest meaning into days and seasons.  Objects. Even accidents ( is it the left shoulder you are supposed to throw the salt over if you spill it??)   But how many of these things which we do as a matter of rote are actually Godly, good, helpful?   And how many just tie us up in knots, cost us money and stress and divert us from the Way?

I got to thinking about all of this in the context of marriage vows.  As far as I'm aware, nowhere in the Bible do we read of anyone promising to ' love honour and obey, in sickness and in health , for

richer for poorer, till death us do part'.   The New Testament states that a church leader should be the husband of one wife.  And throughout the Bible God laments infidelity, loose living and sexual sin.  But in Jesus's day a wedding consisted of a three day party and the bride moving in with her husband.  I dont think it involved a visit to the temple.  I might be wrong but as far as I understand it it was the promise of betrothal which made a contract legally binding and the act of sexual union which made a couple man and wife. Not the words of a priest.  And as far as I understand it , the latter is still true to this day.

I blame the Victorians :)    They instituted all manner of traditions which we adhere to religiously today without ever stopping to question what lies behind.   Christmas is a case in point.  Trees and cards and decorations and presents were all largely Victoria and Albert's doing.   As were brides being in white at weddings and summer holidays.

There's nothing wrong with traditions per se.  As long as we dont become slaves to them and confuse what is instituted by man, with what is instituted by God.   God, it seems to me, instituted a whole heap of traditions in the old testament.  Sacrifice and laws and festivals to remind the people of who they were, who He was and what He had done for them.  Jesus was brought up in these traditions and followed them Himself.   But His coming did away with the necessity for many of them because He

was the fulfilment of what they represented.     Jesus instituted only one tradition - the breaking of bread and the drinking of wine to remember His death.   Do this in remembrance of me.    He didnt tell us to celebrate His birth, but to remember His death.     As we approach Easter during this time of Lent ( another tradition of the church but, dare I propose, not necessarily of God - eeeeek) we focus in on remembering His death.  It's important.   A tradition established by Jesus Himself and therefore one to which we need to pay attention.

Lent 19 Vaulting church

I was in the middle of writing something about church today for the blog when this popped up on my timeline. It is not an easy 2.5 minute watch. But it sums up perfectly what church should be about. I will just pray that God tells you all you personally need to know today as you watch it.

https://www.facebook.com/100000727831232/videos/1131867680180816/?pnref=story

Lent 18 Judgement

Last night I watched Philomena for the second time.  If you havent seen it I recommend it as a thought provoking, sad and funny true story about one woman's lifelong search for the son who was taken from her by Irish nuns in the 1950s.

I was watching it with Josh and Ben.  And finding it hard to compute that only a dozen years before I was born unmarried mothers were being forced to work in Irish laundries and shut away in religious orders, their babies being given up for adoption and sometimes even sold, never to be seen again.   It feels as though its something which should belong to ancient history.  But it happened in my lifetime - and the consequences are still being experienced today.   All those children sent to Australia for ' a better life'  after the war.  The thing that struck me again yesterday as I watched the film was that in all these cases of terrible abuse and injustice people thought they were doing the right thing.

What was it about some religious institutions of the fifties and sixties ( both Catholic and Protestant) which made people think it was God's will that sinful behaviour was punished so brutally?   Where was the notion of love and forgiveness and redemption and restitution?  We look back now and are horrified by the thought that anyone could have thought it was a good idea to separate babies from their mothers or to hide someone away just because they were pregnant.  But the nuns and clerics and children's home owners and doctors and adoption agencies all thought they were in the right, doing the best thing, and acting justly and fairly.  Within fifty years opinions have shifted radically and now we look back with shame.

There are two issues which come to mind with regards to all this.

1) have we learned the lessons of the past and
2) has the pendulum swung too far in the direction of tolerance of sin

As a society we have always been pretty good at persecuting ' sinners'.   In the film Philomena it was unmarried young girls who got pregnant.   For a good part of the 20th century it was homosexuals.  During the war it was pacifists, deserters and those who were mentally ill.   People have been criminalised, horribly punished, sterilised and even shot in the name of  'doing the right thing' .  But, I hear you say, that was then.  We wouldnt behave like that now.  We know better.   But do we?  Really?   Don't we still fear and misunderstand and mistreat the mentally ill?  Don't we turn our backs on the homeless and blame the addicted for bringing their problems on themselves.?   Doesn't the church still struggle to accept the unmarried mother, the co-habiting couple, the gay and the divorced/divorcing. ?   I wonder if we will look back on the 2000's with the same sense of disbelief and shame as we look back on aspects of the fifties and sixties.

On the other hand.....

In our scramble to atone for the harsh judgementalism of the past have we become so lax and laissez faire that we have lost all sense of moral rectitude and the notion of sin being something serious which separates us from God and put Jesus on the cross?   In a society where everyone is terrified of standing up to be counted or saying that anything is definitively wrong, does the church not have a job to do?  Are we not to hold up the Word and say ' this is the way walk in it' ?   Do we not still preach the ten commandments and tell the world that they are sinners in need of a saviour?  There is a fine line to tread here and it bothers me greatly all the time that I and that the church in general, might not be getting it right.

The bottom line is that we are to preach the gospel - tell people that they are sinners, that they can be saved by grace and that God loves them.  The people who need to hear that most are the ones we keep out of our churches because we find it easier to judge than accept them.   It is not our job to judge.  We can not convict people of their sin or change their hearts or their lifestyles.  That's God's job.  And He is really good at it.  All we need to do is bring people into an environment where they can meet Him.  And pray for them.   These days we welcome unmarried teenagers and their babies into our congregations and offer them love and support whilst at the same time encouraging them to bring their relationships and their lifestyles under God.  Let's also do that for the alcoholic and the drug addict , the adulterer and the gambler, the schizophrenic and the transitioning.
And let's apologise where we have turned people away from God by our attitudes.   The lovely thing about Philomena Lee is that she never let go of the God who loved her and was able to finally get her closure when she met the Pope in 2014
;http://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/feb/06/steve-coogan-pope-francis-philomena-lee

Lent 17. Authenticity

I was watching Joseph Prince the other night.  On TBN - the Christian channel on Freeview.   I've seen him before and really liked him and last night I was wondering what it was about him that I found so good to listen to when so many other Bible teachers on that channel leave me cold.   On pondering that question the word  ' authentic'  came to mind.    I have a feeling that Joseph Prince is authentic.  The real deal.  There is something about him which seems true and genuine and real.   I have no idea why I feel that. because I know nothing about the guy and for all I know he could be a money grabbing, immoral wife beater.   But in my spirit I feel that he is an authentic preacher of the gospel.    And these days I tend to go with my spirit as much as possible.

The dictionary defines authentic as  

• : real or genuine 
• : not copied or false
• : true and accurate
• : of undisputed origin or authorship
• synonms include  accurate, true, certain, reliable, legitimate, authoritative, factual, truthful, 
• dependable, trustworthy,veracious

The Bible tells us that in the last days many will be deceived by people who come claiming to teach the truth ( some even claiming to be the Messiah) so it seems to me that it is crucial that the church knows, in these times, how to discern the authentic from the fake. We know that we have an enemy who loves to dress up in garments of light to trick and deceive God's people, luring them away from the truth.   How do we recognise the fake from the real?  Well here are a couple of things which might help us.

1)  Know the Word.  The more steeped and soaked in the truth of the word of God we are, the less likely we are to be led astray.  

2) Stick together.  We are in much more danger when we wander off from the flock than if we stay close to the rest of the sheep and stick with the Pastor of the flock.  The lion is prowling about looking for the strays and stragglers to devour.  Dont be tempted to try to go it alone.  We all need to be part of a church family.   However difficult and annoying that can be at times :)

3) Pray for discernment.   Discernment is a spiritual gift we should be asking for - along with wisdom.  If we ask for it God will give it to us.   And boy, do we need it!

4) Become acquainted with the real thing.   People who are trained to spot forged bank notes do not spend hours and hours studying fakes.  They spend hours and hours and hours studying real bank notes.   The look of them, the feel of them, the smell of them.   They handle hundreds of thousands of real notes so that when a fake one comes across their path they can identify it easily.    As Christians we need to fill ourselves with good, biblical, Godly teaching and fellowship.  We need to ask advice and opinions of more mature christians and be accountable to others about what we are watching/listening to/reading.   There are lots of ' fads' in the Christian church.  There is always another bandwagon to jump on.  Some of the bandwagons are not bad in themselves, they just might not be terribly relevant to where we are at.   So lets look before we leap.

5) Trust your instincts.  If something makes you feel uncomfortable in your spirit, if you find your peace is disturbed then trust that feeling and steer clear.   Some people just don't sit well with us.  Some teaching, ' ministries', organisations and movements just make us feel unsettled and suspicious.  If you feel like that, then regardless of how many other people might be being blessed and however spectacularly God might be working it is probably just not for you at this time.  In order to be authentic yourself you have to be true to what God is doing IN YOU.   He gives us peace in our spirits to keep us on the right track.  When we lose that sense of peace we are heading in the wrong direction.  

Final thought -  I believe it was the authenticity of Jesus which was the big attraction to the people around Him.  He was utterly true to Himself.  He did not compromise or pretend or hide or exaggerate.  Jesus is Truth and Light so there is no falsehood or shadow in Him.  That is deeply attractive in a world which dissembles and cheats and lies and flatters.   Jesus offers us real life.  A life free from pretending and hiding.  An authentic, honest, vulnerable life.   When we can grasp this and start to live it we become deeply attractive people to those who are lost.

lent 16 patience

I got a bit cross yesterday.  With a bunch of three year olds who wouldnt sit down or behave or listen or do what they were told.   It's an occupational hazard of being a Jo Jingles teacher - I spend my days entertaining and educating very small people and some days they are harder work than others.  But I very rarely lose my cool with them.   Yesterday I was in a nursery and the nursery staff, who are usually very attentive and join in with the class and keep the kids in line, were busy doing other things.   The class is a mix of very young, mostly boys, mostly only children with a couple of non- english speaking ones and a couple who could talk for the Olympics and never shut up!   So its a bit of a challenge and I have to confess that yesterday I had a sore head and I was tired and I just wasnt feeling like dealing with them.  So I got cross.   Just a bit cross.  But nevertheless.    I should have handled it better no doubt.

Patience is a virtue.

Why is that?  Why do we value patience and expect ourselves and others to exercise it at all times?  Is patience a virtue all over the world or is that just a particularly British thing?  We Brits are well known for being good at waiting in queues and coping in a crisis and all that stuff - so maybe its a cultural thing.  But we are certainly brought up to believe that ' everything comes to he who waits' and that its polite to let others go first and to wait your turn.  We are encouraged to be patient from a very young age.

What does the Bible say about patience?

Well for a start we are told that God is patient with us..

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

And then we are encouraged to be patient as we wait for Jesus to return and for our salvation to reach its completion in heaven  

James 5:7 

Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains.

Next we are told to be patient in our sufferings - easier said than done.   And we are also told that love is patient and kind  

1 Corinthians 13:4    Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

In fact the Bible is littered with verses telling us to be patient - so it is clearly important and something we should aspire to.   Why?

Well, maybe it has something to do with me decreasing so that He can increase.  Every time I lose my patience  ( in effect when I lose my temper) I am demonstrating my annoyance that something or someone has interrupted the way I wanted things to be.  Or my pride is being ruffled because I'm not being considered/ Im being made to wait/ Im not being heard or served or attended to.   Its all about ME.  I reckon patient people are the ones who have learned to put themselves much further down the pile than I have , as yet, managed to do.     When I shout at the incredibly slow driver in front of me who has pulled in to the side because another car is approaching what am I cross about?  That my journey has been held up for all of a minute?   Is my journey really so important?  And is the person in front of me not entitled to drive in a way which makes them feel safe?  

I happen to believe that 99 % of the daily annoyances which test our patience are allowed by God so that He can show us how selfish and unreasonable we still are and how far we have still to go before we are holy.    Hey ho.    Wonder how many times I will shout at my kids today  :)

Lent 15 Bacteria

I heard something on the radio yesterday about bacteria.
Apparently bacteria have been found in fossils millions of years old and they are pretty much exactly the same as the bacteria we can see under a microscope today.  They have not evolved at all.   Which is interesting, because evolutionary science demands that at some point bacteria evolved from simple organisms into complex ones in order for the chain of life to appear and start to develop.   The guy who was speaking was someone who had dedicated his life to looking into the chemical origins of life - and he had to confess that he had no idea how that vital missing step happened.   His best guess was that, by accident, one bacteria one day somehow became merged with another one. And that this caused a chemical reaction and a mutation which then went on to allow that bacteria to become something else.

I smiled.  I'm not a creationist per se.  I mean, I haven't looked into all the arguments on both sides and to be honest it really doesn't matter to me whether God spoke and there was a big bang and the world slowly came into being over millions of years,  Or whether God spoke and there was a big bang and light and dark and night and day and Genesis 1.   It all seems to be the same thing to me.  But listening to the radio yesterday it did dawn on me that people who don't believe in the mind behind the universe are really struggling to explain it all.  It takes a massive amount of faith to believe that the whole of life came about through one accident on a bacterial level.    That you and I exist because somewhere on a planet this size two microscopic bacteria collided and merged and survived and then managed to reproduce .    It all hangs on such a delicate delicate thread.   The more I discover about the holes in the theories the easier I find it to believe that God did it all - just the way He says He did it.

 550 million year old fossil of bacteria

 Bacteria of today under the microscope

Lent 14 Lazarus

I was late yesterday.  I hate being late especially when it is entirely my fault.  I just didn't time things quite right and I ended up standing in a queue in a shop when I really should have been somewhere else.  I looked at the queue and I looked at my watch and tossed up whether it was worth walking out of the shop and only being seven minutes late or staying in the queue and being ten minutes late.   I opted for the latter - and in the grand scheme of things it didnt really matter too much that I was ten minutes late .  But I don't like it.  I'm usually a good timekeeper.  

I was thinking about it whilst brushing my teeth last night and for some reason the story of Lazarus came to mind.  You know the one, Lazarus is ill, Jesus is told, Jesus doesnt come, Lazarus dies, Jesus saunters slowly arriving several days late, everyone is a bit upset - even Jesus.  And then He does the miracle and raises Lazarus from the dead.   ( John 11 )  And they all live happily ever after.
I've heard that story so many times before and nearly always the emphasis is either on Mary and Martha, the two sisters, or on Jesus and why He delayed.  And the fact that He wept.   But last night I got to thinking about Lazarus in this whole thing.

Lazarus was Jesus's friend.  They hung out together. Jesus came for sleepovers.  They were buddies.  And Lazarus knew all about Jesus's miracles and the healings and had heard lots of the teaching.  So when Lazarus got sick I suppose he might have assumed that Jesus would come.  Or maybe even that Jesus wouldn't need to come but would just speak a word and that he would be healed  After all, Jesus had done that for the servant of a Roman - the enemy - just spoke a word and the miracle of healing happened long-distance.   So surely Lazarus must have felt reassured that even though he was sick and Jesus was somewhere else, that it would all be OK.   The sisters sent word to Jesus.  Lazarus was getting worse.  The sisters must have said to their brother ' Don't worry, we have sent word to Jesus.  It will be fine.  He will be on His way.'    But Jesus didn't come.

Imagine if you are Lazarus.   You are feeling more and more sick.  You know that people die of these sort of illnesses all the time.  Your friend has the power to heal you but He isn't showing up and there's nothing anyone can do for you.   How desperate must you feel?   And how devastated as each day passes and your condition worsens.  And Jesus doesn't come.  I wonder if Lazarus started to doubt if Jesus loved him.  I think I would have.  I wonder if he felt angry. Or betrayed.  Or simply not important enough.  Its horrible enough being so ill you are at death's door without knowing there is a possible cure out there to which you have no access.   When the messengers returned what did they say?  ' We gave the message to Jesus but He seemed kind of busy and we don't think He is planning on coming any time soon'    And of course He didn't have to come - He could have just said the word and Lazarus would have been healed.  But He didn't.    Poor Lazarus.    I'd never stopped to think before about what he went through in the days before he died.   With his sisters pacing the floors and looking out of the windows and telling him that Jesus would be here soon...

Sometimes God doesn't show up.   We beg and plead and know that if He doesn't show we will die.  And He doesn't show.  We don't understand it and it makes us question everything.  We rage and despair and plead and hope and watch and wait...... and then all of a sudden it is too late.  The moment has passed.  The chance has gone.  It's over and Jesus didn't come through for us.  What do we do then?  That is a REALLY important question.

I think we have two choices.  We can look at Jesus and say - well it was never about me anyway.  We can look at the Bible and everything it tells us about the nature of God as revealed in his Son, and look at our past history and remind ourselves of everything He has done for us and in us and through us in the past - and then we can decide that even though we don't understand and we feel let down and something has died we are still going to believe that God is good all the time.  We make an active decision to choose to believe regardless of the circumstances.   Or, we look at the circumstances and we deduce that because God didn't do what we wanted Him to do in the timeframe we needed Him to do it in that He is not who He says He is and we can't trust Him any more.

It's hard.  It really is.

It has never happened to me...... well not yet..... but it has happened to close friends of mine.  The loss of a baby.  The affair of a spouse.  The death of a partner.   These are the Lazarus moments.  Where we see something so valued and valuable slipping from our grasp and God does not seem to be listening to our sobs and cries for mercy and help.

Jesus knows how it feels to be left to die by the God who is supposed to be His loving Father.  Except that Jesus had a different attitude - He laid down His life.  He trusted God so completely that He was prepared to allow Himself to be forsaken on a cross ' for the joy that was set before Him'   He doesn't rage and rail at God but instead prays for the ones who are putting nails through his wrists.   Its all upside down and back to front.  It doesn't make sense.  But that is the very essence of this faith business...... its all the complete opposite of the world in which we live.    God is never late.  He does actually know what He is doing and why.  But His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

Lord Jesus, help me to trust You more.  Help me to believe that You are merciful and good even when my circumstances are shouting otherwise.  Help me to hold things lightly knowing that it is not all about me and that , at the end of the day, Your plan for my life is an eternal one and this life is but a drop in the bucket of eternity.  Give me the ability to endure through the difficult days and rejoice in the good ones. And when You dont answer my prayers in the way I hope You will, remind me that it's not because You don't love me, but because You do.

Lent 13 Singing in the Choir

Yesterday I was playing in church on my own.  Usually Neale is on guitar and vocals and Rhys is on drums, the lovely Jonah does the sound and Mervyn does the powerpoint.  We are a team.  And we sound OK.  Mostly.   But yesterday Neale was away on a romantic weekend with the missus  ( awwwwwwww)  and Rhys was camping with the Scouts  ( wet socks abounding) so it was just down to me and the keyboard.   And it was OK.   I sounded alright.  Congregation sang well ....  but it just wasnt quite the same without the other guys there.

And it wouldn't have been the same if the heating hadn't been on.  Or if there were no chairs set out, or if ( most importantly) there was no coffee!  Someone had come in to open the building.  Eleanor and John were in the kitchen cooking bacon ( third Sunday in the month is bacon buttie Sunday - which in my opinion should be enshrined in church law and the catechism ).  Someone had put the service sheets on the tables.  Someone else had set up the kids corner and yet another person had cleaned the loos.   Church wouldn't have worked yesterday - or any Sunday - without lots of people playing a vital part.  And not just church people.  Electricians and plumbers and builders and shopkeepers and..... well society.  Everyone.  And when any one of those people in the chain is missing its just not quite the same - or something doesn't work properly!

If you have a half decent singing voice you could probably manage to sing a solo and sound pleasant. If you have an exceptional voice you might even manage to sound amazing.  But you are never going to sound like a choir.   Or a choir and an orchestra.

So the message for today is that you are important.  Vital.  You might not feel it but you are.  Your family/workplace/friendship group/ church would not be the same without you.  Perhaps you are thinking ' aye right, they wouldn't even notice if I never showed up again!'   ( trust me, I've had times of feeling like that ) Or perhaps you are thinking that all you do is sit at the back/nag the kids/do the filing/sweep the floors  - you don't contribute anything much and you certainly don't feel important.  But trust me, the flavour of this world would be different without you there.  The flavour of church is different when you aren't there.  The sound of worship is different when you are missing.  And the whole thing doesn't function quite the same if you are not being you, in the places where you are meant to be.

I know this isnt new.  You have heard it before.  But it came to me yesterday morning on the way home from church that this is what the blog should be about today.  And then, somehow, in the busyness of what came in the rest of the day I forgot what it was I was going to write about.  I knew that I'd had in idea, I just couldn't remember what the idea was!  ( Senior moments getting more frequent as I approach the big 50!)   But then in the evening watching the television it flashed up on the screen in the programme I was watching.  'Your voice is needed in the choir.'    Amazing eh?   So Im sure this is for at least one person who is reading this, and probably more.  And its certainly for me.

And one more thought.  About the singing in the choir thing.  Even if you cant hold a tune in a bucket and are tone deaf please don't stay quiet in the worship.  You might never be asked to sing a solo, but as part of the choir of heaven your voice is just as necessary  and lovely to God as the next persons.

lent 12 You're worth it

Im a big fan of antiques shows.  And the ones where people go round car boot sales looking for that lost Rembrandt or Van Gough.  Im also a huge bargain hunter - never pay full price for anything and always feel spectacularly pleased with myself when Ive managed to nab a spectacular deal.  A couple of weeks ago I was bragging on Facebook that Id got all my shopping for 5p per item in Tescos one evening.  The freezer got filled for next to nothing that night.  Result!

When I go to Tesco or Sainsburys or Asda ( I go to them all :) ) and cruise round the discount counters the food I shop for is usually on its sell by date.  Some people wont buy food on its sell by date -  to them, no matter how cheap it is, that food is without value because freshness is more important than price.  But I dont care about sell by dates, I value price over an arbirtary date set by someone in a health and safety laboratory somewhere. :)  So the cheaper the price the more value to me.   Today the estate agent came round to value our house.  And he was at a bit of a loss.  Because our house is a one off.  There is nothing like it in the village and therefore trying to determine its value is tricky.   Something is only worth what someone is prepared to pay for it.    An estate agent usually has lots of comparisons they can make with similar properties within the area and their knowledge of the market.   But sometimes its a bit of a guess.   What is this house worth?

Sometimes value is not about monetary price tags but about emotional investment.  Our most prized possession might not be something expensive, it might be a poem written for us by our five year old.  Or a piece of clothing passed down to us by a special person.  It might be a photograph which reminds us of a special time in our life or an item which was dear to someone who has since died.  To someone else these things would be without meaning and therefore without value.  But to us they are special.  Even the most ruthless minimalist makes emotional associations with things sometimes.

SO you know what Im going to say now dont you?  That you are only worth what someone was prepared to pay for you and Jesus was prepared to forsake heaven, the communion of angels, the company of the Father and die a brutal death on a cross, bearing all your sin and shame  because you are worth it.  But not only that.  Jesus places a high value on you for all the things that make you
YOU.  Not just because you are a member of a fallen race who is in need of redemption.  But because He knows you intimately and highly esteems those things about you which make you utterly unique.   You are the letter from the five year old to His father heart.  You are the precious object of His affection passed down through generations of people He loved very much.  You are a reminder to Him of all the special moments He has spent with you.
Sometimes I think that we tell ourselves that Jesus died for us out of a sense of obligation to the Father.  To fulfil the divine plan.  Because He didnt have a choice.    But I actually think He did it because He valued each of us SO highly, loved us SO much, counted us as so precious that He was prepared to stop at nothing to show us how He felt.  Feels.  Right now , today, that is how He still feels about me and about you.

Valuable.  Your price tag.  Wear it with pride.

Lent 11 Preparing the house

I spent all day yesterday frantically sorting and rearranging in preparation for the estate agent coming later today.  We have been trying to get the house ready for putting on the market - but there is so much to be done.  We have lived here for 16 years and in that time carpets have become shabby, paintwork has got chipped, things have broken and not been fixed and jobs which got started and never finished are now yelling out to be done.

I was thinking as I was moving furniture against the newly painted walls last night  that it's ironic that most often we only get a place just exactly perfect about ten minutes before we move out!!  And that got me thinking that mostly our lives are like that too.  We spend years letting things get a bit shabby and worn out.  Things get broken and faded and tatty but we sort of  live with them because we either dont really notice after a while, or we are too preoccupied to sort it out.  And then we reach the end of our lives and we realise we have a heap of things to sort out.  Relationships to mend.  Bucket lists to tick off, things to tell our nearest and dearest....... if we get the chance

But of course we might not get the chance.  Because none of us knows the day or the time we might suddenly take our last breath.  So the thought for the day is this..... if we were living every day as though it were our last how differently would we be living?   I was so inspired by my friend Angie as she lived in the shadow of her impending death.   She stayed positive, kept laughing, pushed herself to do things and make memories with her kids, made an album of legacy music......  she got her house in order so that when it was time to move on she was ready.   I want to be like that - even without a terminal diagnosis.   let's face it, we all have a terminal diagnosis.   its just that most of us presume weve got another thirty years.  Or more.     But the reality is we might only have 3 years.  or 30 days.  or 30 minutes.

I once knew someone who insisted on hoovering the whole house before she went out anywhere ' in case the Lord comes back whilst Im out'  :)    Never did quite understand the logic of that as Im pretty sure the Lord isnt going to be much interested in the state of our physical houses when He returns.   But then again, maybe Im wrong there - perhaps I should be dusting under the bed as well as dealing with unforgiveness and repenting of my sins!!!

Tell you one thing though.  Can't wait to move to my mansion with Jesus.  There wont be any dust ( cos there is no decay) so no cleaning.  Hooray!  Just an eternity to rule and reign with Him.  And all the preparation He asks of us here on earth is only so that we are ready for that responsibility when we get to heaven.   So I guess Id better get my house in order.......

Lent 10 psalm 23

Yesterday morning just before he went off to school Ben said to me ' Can I tell you Psalm 23?  '   So I said yes of course he could, and he proceeded to recite it to me - in the King James Version with all the Thees and Thous  :)  I wonder if, having learned it at age 10, he will still be able to recite it when I am long gone and he has grandchildren.   I never learned scripture as a kid but I do still remember a few poems I was made to learn by heart at primary school.    Memory is an amazing thing. Being able to call scripture to mind is one of the key ways God speaks to us.  So learning it is pretty crucial.


A few years ago as part of a worship exercise I decided to re-write some Psalms in my own words.   Its a lovely was of meditating on God's word so I thought Id have a go at this most well known of Psalms today.   Just my own thoughts and interpretation - you could try it yourself and find you come up with something utterly different :-)

Psalm 23

God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are my shepherds and I am one of their sheep.
Because I belong to them I know that I will never be uncared for, lost, in danger or exposed.
They will walk ahead of me leading me to sweet grass where I can graze and rest in peace and comfort.  When I am thirsty I won't have to rely on my own abilities to find water because they will lead me right to it.  In fact , God Himself is the water of life from which I drink daily - and His constant presence refreshes and restores the dry weary parts of me.  Following Him means that I shall always walk in the right way and never stray off into danger. 
Even if He should lead me right into a dark dangerous valley - somewhere I would naturally feel fear and want to avoid - I won't be afraid because I can be confident that the God who walks beside me wouldn't bring me here for no reason.  And anyway, He has a rod and a staff to fight off any predators and to keep me close to Him.  So I don't need to worry. Whilst wolves lurk in the shadows my God sits down to dine with me, feasting in style and pouring out His love and attention solely on me until I feel so blessed I could burst.   He is so good that I feel permanently changed and I know that I will follow Him forever, living in the shelter of His goodness and kindness and finding my true home in Him.

Lent 9 Remote control

Apologies to those of you who were expecting a blog about paint.  But as I went to switch on the telly at lunchtime I felt the words ' remote control'  leap out at me.   Still not entirely sure why but I'm hoping it might become clear as I write.   

Ever since Ive become a parent I have been struggling to understand the difference between directing, guiding, leading and teaching my children  and controlling them.   I understand that control is at the root of witchcraft and rebellion and I really dont not want to be controlling my children or anyone else.  ( Whilst looking into this online I ve come across a couple of good articles on this topic.  http://spirituallighthouse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/witchcraft-when-one-tries-to-control.html    and a more heavy duty one by Derek Prince www.derekprince.org/publisher/file.aspx?id=1000021524 )

Last night family Hamilton had a major meltdown where we all ended up yelling at each other and there were tears and huffing and storming etc.  We seem to need to do this about twice a year - to sort of let off steam and say all the things that need to be said and let everyone have a rant and a vent.  Air their grievances,  Make a point. We all tell each other exactly where we are all going wrong. Kids tell parents.  Parents shout at kids.  Tables are thumped.  But at the end of it we usually have worked ourselves round to a place where we are talking about the real stuff.  Getting underneath the aggro and recognising what is really going on.   Its always helpful and good and Im sure if we were a more normal bunch we would be able to have sane and sensible conversations on an ongoing basis so we didnt need these volcanic erruptions.    But thats us.  Its how we roll.  We are a perfect dysfunctional family - but the good thing is we are all trying and the kids know they are loved and are learning that its sometimes hard to be an adult and we dont get it right much of the time.

Other families I know have much more calm and ordered lives.  Much more.   No fighting or arguing.  Life is lived by order and rules and routine and respect.   And control.   Lots of it.   And I have to confess it makes me uncomfortable.  When is it OK to tell your child what to wear and when is it OK to let them choose.  Even if they choose to go out in orange and pink. With lime green shoes.   Should a 14 year old be given freedom of choice in most things he/she does or no choice at all?  As parents we are responsible for our kids.  But Im pretty sure we should not be controlling them.  

And then theres another question.  Who is controlling me?

I remember John Paul Jackson speaking once about being in a supermarket and God opening his eyes to see all the demons of lust and greed and avarice sitting on the shelves next to the products shouting out ' buy me. you need me. you want me'  to the customers moving about the shop.    We cant see the invisible forces which come through the television screens and over the radio at us tempting us to spend spend spend,  borrow borrow borrow.  How much are we controlled by the culture in which we live?  By the education system we go through?  By the expectations of others and the words and actions of those close to us.?

I listen to the Archers on radio 4.  Theres a brilliant storyline playing out at the moment where Rob, who is such a reasonable and nice and loving husband, is gradually eroding his wifes confidence and restricting her life as he takes control of every area of it.  Subtly.  Almost imperceptibly.  In ways that hardly anyone would realise were manipulative.   Its so well written and so chilling to listen to as the audience slowly realises that something sinister is going on - a trap is being laid.  And nobody in Ambridge is going to either see it or believe it could be possible.   Manipulators can be super clever and devious .  We dont know we have been controlled until its too late.  The enemy is like that.  

Lord , as we think about the approaching season of Easter when we remember everything You did to buy our freedom for us, please help us to be fully submitted to You and only You.  Protect us from those manipulating and controlling forces which want to oust You from Your rightful place.  Show us where we are controlling and manipulative towards others and root out the causes so that we can be a blessing and not a curse. Let us be good and Godly influencers and examples full of truth and light just like Jesus. Amen

Lent day 8 Fathers

I was sitting in the cinema yesterday with three ten year old boys watching Star Wars The Force Awakens for the second time.   I’m not a Star Wars fan so the first time round most of the plot had to be explained to me – who was who and what was going on and why .   I have to confess that on the second viewing it all made a lot more sense.   I was thinking about the blog and having a word with God.. ....  ‘ hey Lord, there’s got to be something in all this that you want to say – the good vs evil thing.  The dark side vs the light.    The resistance movement being able to mobilise to bring down an enemy which appeared to be so much bigger and more powerful....’    Nope.  Nothing. Not a whisper or a nod from the Lord.   Usually He won’t shut up when Im watching a movie  :D

But afterwards, on the way home in the car whilst three excited boys were dissecting the plot and telling bad jokes,  ( what’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dabi ?  Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but Abu Dabi Do  !!  )  it came to me that all the Star Wars films are really about one thing.   Fathers.

Who is your father?.   Betrayal of fathers.   Searches for fathers.   The killing of fathers.  The identity of sons and daughters being utterly dependent on the identity of the father.    Mr Lucas has made a fortune out of recognising that fathers strike a chord in the hearts of millions of viewers – we can all identify with one aspect or another.

I have a friend who is adopted.  Happily.  Blissfully really.   Such a wonderful childhood and well supported adulthood and he has been a dutiful and loving son who could not adore his adopted parents more.   But, as is so often the case with adopted people, all through his life the question of his biology bothered him.   So in his forties he set out to find his birth mother.  Which he did.   She was not all he had hoped her to be, but he was thankful that she had given him up recognising that others could give him a better life.   But she also told him that he had been the product of rape.   And that information destroyed him.

My friend suddenly found the ground under his feet had shifted.  He now had the genes and the bloodline of someone who was cruel and possibly violent and mean and mercenary.     The Darth Vader ‘ Luke, I am your father’ moment I suppose.  All of a sudden there is now an immense inner conflict.  Who am I?

Fatherhood is an incredibly difficult job.   Nobody gets it right.  Im sure we all know of, or are, people who have been hurt and damaged by less than perfect fathers.   In my own family circle a conversation between a five year old and his father in a car park over 40 years ago led to decades of cold estrangement and damage.   Why do fathers have the power to hurt us so deeply?   Probably because of all relationships the father/child one is the most important.   ( Now don’t get me wrong here , Im not in any way denigrating the role of Mothers.  Mothers are wonderful and super important .... but stay with me here.  For the purposes of this particular discussion.  Thanks)

There have only ever been three people who have walked the planet who have had the perfect relationship with their fathers.   Adam, Eve and Jesus.    Everyone else, right through history has had a broken, imperfect, unsatisfactory, not-quite-holy relationship with their Dad.   Think of Jacob and Esau.   Noah.  Joseph.  David and Absolom.  Countless stories in the Bible about fathers and sons who didn’t get it right.... but who God used anyway.

Back to Star Wars.  Lots of desert.  Sand as far as the eye can see.  The search for father in the films often seems to start in the desert.  At Lent we see Jesus going off into the desert to face his tempter.  Will He be distracted from His mission to make His Father known?   Will He forsake His Father and go over to the dark side?  Is He secure enough in His own identity to stand up and be counted?    Will the Father betray the Son and leave him out to dry in the wilderness at the mercy of the wild animals?  It could almost be the plot of a Lucas film!    So what is the difference between the Jedi and Jesus??   

Jesus is REAL!

Star Wars is watched by millions not just for the CGI and the intergalactic fight scenes   but because it speaks to a deep longing in us all to know and be known, to love and be loved by our fathers.   It’s deep.   It’s vital.  And the films awaken that force within us.   Only God can scratch where it itches.  The God who looks at you, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus, and says 

‘  ............( your name here)     I AM YOUR FATHER.

Lent day 7 language

I did my monthly worship slot at the healing service last night.  As I trundled into the cathedral wrapped in my winter woollies and lugging my keyboard someone said '  Hi Caz, you're looking well tonight'.    I smiled and said thank you.

Im English.   In England when someone tells you you are looking well they mean that you dont look ill.  You look fit and healthy.   But Im living in Ireland - and in Ireland when someone says you are looking well they mean that you are looking nice.   Its a subtle difference - but I spent the first year I lived here wondering why people were commenting on my health and engaging in what must have been baffling conversations with people about the minor cold I was just getting over.   

It has always amazed me that in a land mass as tiny as the British Isles there can be so many different ways of speaking , dialects, nuances, accents and meanings.  I spent many years in Scotland and picked up a whole raft of wonderful words which the English just dont use.  But I will never forget the day I went to Glasgow and got into a taxi there.   Id lived in Edinburgh for several years but when that Glaswegian taxi driver started talking to me I didnt have the first idea what he was saying!!!  His accent was so broad he might as well have been speaking Norwegian.

Language is crucial.  It is a fundamental requirement of relationship.  Its the first thing we do with a newborn baby - start to talk to it.   And the lst thing that breaks down before wars are embarked upon.  Communication is the lifeblood of human society.   Before Babel we all spoke one language.  Everyone on the planet  - thats quite some thought.  No foreign languages, no opportunity for mis-translation or misunderstanding or exclusion .  Everyone was able to clearly understand his fellow man - but of course rather than this being a huge advantage to us as God had intended it to be , mankind decided to use their common language to argue and compete and brag and generally be annoying.

Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. 2 As people moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinar and settled there.

3 They said to each other, “Come, let’s make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. 4 Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves; otherwise we will be scattered over the face of the whole earth.”

5 But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower the people were building. 6 The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.7 Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”

8 So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. 9 That is why it was called Babel—because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the whole earth.  

Not only do we now have trouble understanding our fellow man, but I fear we are not attuned to the language of heaven either.   God speaks but so often we dont really understand what He says.  We speak in tongues but only have the vaguest of impressions of what the message might be. Angels might be singing over us but would we notice or know it if we cant recognise their tongue?   We read a Bible which has had to be translated from the original so that we can understand it.    The fall has robbed us of that clear communication between us and our peers and us and our God.  One day we shall see clearly, hear perfectly and understand entirely.   But until then we look to Jesus, who came to show us that it is possible to be fully human and communicate brilliantly, both horizontally and vertically  by tuning into the spirit of God and being obedient.  Jesus says

For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. ( John 12:49)

Perhaps this Lent we can renew our resolve to speak less and listen more to the Father. To only do what the father is doing and speak what the Father is saying.  I wonder how different my day would look if I could manage 24 hours doing that !!