Lent day 5 Valentines day

Now those purists among you will be sucking your teeth and shaking your heads because technically Sundays do not form part of Lent.  If you include the Sundays then you end up with more than 40 days.  So traditionally Sundays are a ' day off' from fasting - a day to celebrate God with His people. But Im not taking a day off from Blogging.  This blog is read six get one free :-)

It's Valentine's Day.   Of course you are all aware of this since the shops have been decked out in hearts and flowers for weeks now.   And this weekend in particular must account for about half the annual sales of red roses and boxes of Milk Tray in the UK.  I suppose for people who are in a loving relationship it is nice to take a moment to celebrate that by giving gifts and cards.   But for those who aren't it can be a very difficult and horrible day.  As can Mother's / Father's Day for those who are infertile or who have lost children.   Whilst half the world is going mad celebrating, the other half is broken hearted at what they are missing out on.

So , church, should we get off the bandwagon the world has constructed around Mothers and Fathers and St Valentine and even ( dare I say it) Christmas?  Should we be a counter culture which says instead
 "  Hey!  You are wonderful as a single person and we need you and appreciate you."
" We can learn so much from your experience of relationship breakdown and divorce and faith in God and how He has brought you through difficult times, please share your heart with us. "
" You dont have to be a parent to fit into this community.  We value everyone the same. "
" Whatever your story you have a place here"
" If you have never been kissed we invited you to experience the kiss of Jesus"

I was a single woman in church until I was 34. It was hard.  I was part of a large congregation with a lot of singles of varying ages but nevertheless the unspoken assumption was that we were all just waiting for ' the one'.   People who remain single can find church very cliquey and dismissive.  Churches are nearly always run by couples, or teams of couples.  Family is central and children are celebrated.  Which is fine and dandy - but just difficult if you are lonely and longing.  Or perfectly contented and not longing.  But just not quite fitting.


I have friends who are going through infertility treatment.  Agonising and praying and crying over lost pregnancies and round after round of unsuccessful cycles.  Some of them just cant face church on Mothers day or Fathers day.  Its way too painful.
I also have divorced friends who have found church to be a place of judgement and condemnation when Jesus himself did not throw stones but restored , forgave, turned away judgement.

Ironically, it all comes down to love.  But not the love of Valentines day.... or even of the love of God come down in human form as Jesus to show us the way to the Father.   It is about us loving each other.  Really.  Genuinely.  Deeply.   We need to care for each other - and to do that we need to know each others pain.  We need to understand where each of us struggles so that we don't put stumbling blocks in peoples way.

Our minister's mother is suffering from dementia and doesnt really know who he is any more.  So Mother's day is difficult for him.  It reminds him of what he is losing  - and because of this he is super sensitive to the pain which some people associate with Mother's Day.  Last year he preached an absolute belter - so gently and graciously celebrating motherhood whilst acknowledging the pain of many who had lost their mothers, or who were not able to be mothers or who had lost children..... it was brilliant.    We can only minister love when we understand the pain of those we are trying to reach.  Today let us be super sensitive to those who are feeling unloved, alone. rejected, scared, abused, trapped and unhappy.  Let's focus people on the many blessings they do have in their lives rather than on the relationship and ' happy ever after' they might not have.  The world wants to tell us that if we arent in love we are defective in some way.  The church needs to demonstrate love in such a way that peoples hearts are healed just by being with us.